Are You Torn... or Just Avoiding It?
- Jul 2
- 2 min read
We've all found ourselves standing at a fork in the road, staring down two paths and wondering which one to take.
One path is relatively clear. Sure, it may not be perfect, but you can see where it's headed. The other? It's littered with uprooted roots, low-hanging branches, overgrown grass, and enough obstacles to make you question why it's even an option.
And yet...somehow, that's the path we convince ourselves to take.
Maybe it's pursuing the emotionally unavailable person because this time they'll finally open up. Maybe it's telling yourself your 16-year marriage is beyond repair to justify continuing an affair. Maybe it's ignoring glaring red flags because, let's be honest, chaos can feel a lot more exciting than stability.
Our brains are remarkably creative when it comes to making uncomfortable choices feel reasonable.
So, when do we stop arguing with reality and start accepting the evidence that's right in front of us?
This is where things get tricky. Ambivalence and denial can look surprisingly similar, but they're not the same thing.
Ambivalence is being genuinely torn. You can see both sides, weigh the pros and cons, and acknowledge conflicting emotions. Denial, on the other hand, is when we selectively ignore information that doesn't fit the story we want to believe. It's less "I don't know what to do" and more "If I don't look too closely, maybe this isn't really happening."
The problem is that ambivalence can become so loud that it drowns out the obvious. We mistake endless overthinking for careful decision-making. We convince ourselves we're "still processing" when, in reality, we're avoiding what we already know.
Sometimes the hardest part isn't making the decision. It's admitting that we've known the answer all along.
Written by Tiffany Anderson, LMFT-A, a therapist in Dallas/Fort Worth, Texas specializing in couples counseling, family therapy, and life transitions.
