Reflections on Autonomy and Choosing Your Own Happiness

Days before Christmas, I find myself reflecting on the autonomy I truly possess—the freedom to make choices that align with who I am, rather than who others expect me to be. Happiness is not something someone else can define for you. It is something you get to identify on your own terms. And living your life for others, rather than for yourself, is often the very reason you may be seeking therapy—to pause, reflect, and reclaim your own path.

Imagine this: You grow up with a burning desire to write books, to create something meaningful, to leave your own imprint on the world. But as you grow older, life whispers other priorities, and gradually, you put out that fire. Maybe you pursue a different career, chase material accomplishments, or measure your worth by things that are visible to others: the corner office, the impressive title, the floor-to-ceiling windows. These achievements can feel satisfying at first, but eventually, they may leave you wondering—am I living my life for me, or for everyone else?

This is where therapy can be so powerful. It’s a space to pause, to examine your choices, and to reconnect with the desires and values that are authentically yours. It’s not about judgment, or guilt, or shame—it’s about reflection, insight, and rediscovering the things that truly bring you fulfillment.

Autonomy doesn’t always mean making huge changes overnight. Sometimes it’s as simple as giving yourself permission to notice your own needs, to honor your feelings, or to say no when something doesn’t align with who you are. It’s about cultivating the courage to step into your own life, even when it looks different from the expectations of others.

As this holiday season approaches, I encourage you to reflect on your own autonomy. Ask yourself: Am I living my life for me, or for someone else? And if you find yourself longing for alignment, for clarity, or for permission to reclaim your own desires, know that seeking support—whether through therapy, reflection, or conversation—is a powerful and necessary step.

Happiness, fulfillment, and self-understanding are yours to define. And sometimes, the greatest gift you can give yourself is simply the freedom to do so.

— Tiffany Anderson, LMFT-A